Dogs are called man’s best friend for a reason. Or rather, for so many reasons. If you have ever interacted with a good boi or gal, you know how happy they are just to be around you and to participate in all the fun. And I am completely sure that if they could speak, they would not only appreciate dog jokes but would also come up with some pet jokes themselves. Especially about the cat.
Whoever first decided to domesticate a dog probably did so for very practical reasons – in prehistoric days, humans could greatly benefit from a guard and a hunter. But little did that person realize what a great service they were doing to all the generations to come. They gave us a wonderful companion that will stick to your side through thick and thin.
Even if you don’t own a dog and can’t wake up to your dog making funny faces at you, there is one thing that can still make your morning perfect, and that’s a good collection of dog puns combined with photos of cute funny dogs.
In this article we’ve collected funny dog jokes that you can enjoy together with your doggo. In return, you can post the funniest dog pics you have ever taken in the comments.
#1
What do you call a wild dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite?
Bloodhounds.
Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.
In English class, why do dogs like conjunctions?
Because dogs love buts.
Also read: Fun Facts: 5 Secret Ways Your Dog Says “I Love You”
What do you call a dog who is getting old?
GrandPAW.
Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs?
Because you might step in a poodle.
How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello?
“Konichihuahua.”
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple?
A New Yorkie.
What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster?
He was Terrier-fied.
What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theaters?
Pupcorn
Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
Why can’t you tell knock knock jokes to a dog?
“Knock knock”
Dog: “grrrr, woof, woof, bark, bark, bark.”
What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day?
A shampoo-dle.
Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a Boxer.
What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common?
One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.
What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise?
Flea markets.
Why do dogs love smartphones?
Because they have collar IDs.
Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.
What do you call a cowardly dog?
A golden retreater.
When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get?
A lot of trouble with a postman.
What happens when a dog loses its tail?
It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog?
Come on! Join the bark side.
What is a pug’s favorite fall beverage?
Pug-kin spice lattes.
What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Whichever you want, but do it silently.
When you cross a sheepdog with a jelly, what do you get?
The collie wobbles.
Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores?
To the lab for testing.
Also read: FLEAS IN A DOG – HOW TO GET RID OF THEM?
When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get?
A croaker spaniel.
Why do dogs love Redwood trees?
They have the biggest bark.
What did the waiter tell the dog at the restaurant?
“Bone-appetite!”
What is a dog that sneezes?
A-choo-wawa.
I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought “Wow, dogs are so easily entertained”. Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
Why is it called a litter of puppies?
Because they’ll trash the place.
“The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles.” — Bill Maher
I refuse to take my dog on road trips anymore.
He can be such a bark seat driver.
“My dogs love me. Of course, by “love” I mean “poop” and by “me” I mean “everywhere.”” — Dana Gould
Why can’t dogs work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is called when a cat wins a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy.
What do you get of you cross a dog with a film studio?
Collie-wood!
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
A woman brings her parakeet to the vet. The bird is stiff and lifeless. “I’m sorry miss, but this parakeet is dead”
“How can you know so quickly?” she replies, “Is there a better way so that you can be absolutely certain?”
The vet whistles and a black Labrador walks into the room. The Lab sniffs the parakeet, then looks at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
“A dog shakes his head and I’m supposed to accept that?!” the woman cries. “You’re going to have to do more than that to prove my poor parakeet is dead!”
The vet leaves momentarily and comes back with a cat. The cat hops up on the table and looks closely at the parakeet. After walking around it, she prods the bird a bit, then shakes her head and jumps off the table.
Finally, the woman is convinced. As she turns for the door, the vet announces that she owes him $400.
“$400?!” she asks. “How in the world is it that much just to tell me my parakeet is dead?”
“Well, it would’ve been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan…”
What did the dog say to the tree?
Also read: How Do I Know If My Cat And Dog Get Along?
“Bark.”
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang.
Policeman: “Excuse me Mr, but were you aware that your dog has been chasing a guy on his bike?”
Dog Owner: “Are you nuts? My dog is not even able to ride a bike.”
I used a spot remover on my dog…
He disappeared.
Man 1: “My dog has no nose.”
Man 2: “How does he smell?”
Man 1: “Awful.”
What do you get when you cross a dog with a large boat?
A Ship Tzu.
Why are Dalmatians not considered good at playing hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted.
Who is a dog’s favorite playwright?
William Shakespaw.
What breed of dog goes after anything that is red?
A Bulldog.
What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time?
A chili-dog.
Why are dogs terrible dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food?
A dog with a machete.
How are dog catchers in the UK paid?
By the pound.
Why do dogs to bury their bones in the ground?
Because they can’t be buried in trees!
When the dog went to the flea circus, what happened?
He stole the show.
What type of dog is constantly aware of the time?
A watch dog.
Why do dogs tend to run in circles?
Because its really hard to run in squares.
What happens if you cross a dog with a phone?
A golden receiver.
What could be more incredible than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
What kind of dog consumes food with its ears?
All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
Our dog brings us the newspaper every day…
Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
Why are dogs’ barks so loud?
They have built-in sub-woofers.
Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
Where do dogs park their car?
In the barking lot.
Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He really wanted to become a woofer!
What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!
What do you call young dogs who play in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the hungry dalmatian say after his meal?
“That hit the spots!”
Why are skeletons afraid of dogs?
Because dogs love bones.
How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?
He was Terrier-fied!
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
He stole the show!
“I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!’” — Steven Wright
“You don’t have to save so your dog can go to college and then find out after they graduate that they want to be an actor.” — Jim Gaffigan
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
“Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.” — Jerry Seinfield
What’s a dog’s favourite food?
Pawsta.
When you cross a sheepdog with a rose, what do you get?
A collie-flower.
What type of zoo has only one dog?
A Shih Tzu.
After a talking Sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the Sheepdog, “but I rounded them up.”
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
A man walks into his local vet and says “My dog Rover is cross-eyed, is there any way in which you can help him?”
“Hmm, let me take a look at him” says the vet as he picks up Rover.
Whilst holding the dog, the vet checks Rovers paws, eyes, teeth and tail until finally the vet says “I think I am going to have to put Rover down”.
The man is shocked is shocked and says “Really? Just because he is cross-eyed?”
The vet then replies “No, because he is too heavy to hold any longer.”
Why are dogs unable to get an MRI scan?
Because only CAT scan.
What kind of dog keeps talking about his problems?
A complaint Bernard.
A large number of dogs escaped the SPCA today.
Police are looking for leads.
What term do you use to refer to a dog that researches old trees?
Well, you can call him a barkologist.
How did the dog laugh after listening to the joke?
Chi-ha-ha.
What was the dog doing all night?
He was barking all night without any paws.
What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?
Their masters.
I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except…
The bark is much quieter.
What do puppies and pages of a book have in common?
They’re both dog-eared.
How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None! They’re all on the outside.
When you cross a sheepdog with a rose, what do you get?
A collie-flower.
What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah?
You’d get a dog that chased after cars, but was actually fast enough to catch them!
What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?
They press the paws button.
When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?
I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get?
Grease Lightning
Why does a noisy yappy dog resembles a tree?
It’s because they both have a lot of bark.
What do you call a dog that can’t bark?
A hushpuppy.
What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk, or just take the dog?
How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving?
Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
When the dog sat on sandpaper, what did he say?
Ruff! Ruff!
When does a mother flea become satisfied?
When her entire family has decided to go to the dogs.
What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!
When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
You got a friend in me.
What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What makes more noise than a dog barking?
Two dogs barking!
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because all he ever said was “Rough, Rough”
What trick did the loaf of bread teach the dog?
Roll over!
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!
I asked my dog what he’d actually do if he caught the Fed Ex person, and he admitted he hadn’t thought that part through yet.
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite.
“I better not eat that.” — no dog ever
What do you call a dog with a surround system?
A sub-woofer.
What’s a dog’s favourite pizza topping?
Pup-eroni!
“We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” — Dog mom
How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard!
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What’s a dog’s favourite instrument?
A trom-bone.
I have stopped the dog from digging up the garden.
I confiscated his shovel.
Paddy is extremely upset when his dog runs away.
His wife says to him “Paddy, why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”
Paddy thinks that this is a great idea so he proceeds to do so.
Paddy hasn’t heard anything back from the ad in weeks when his wife asks him “What did you you put in the ad for our missing dog Paddy?”
Paddy replies “here boy.”
Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road?
She was given a ticket for littering.
I can’t take my dog down to the local pond anymore., because the ducks keep attacking him.
It is my fault for choosing a dog that is a pure bread.
Every single day I have a German Shepherd come and take a dump on my lawn in the morning.
Today he even brought his dog with him!
Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for it.
What would you call a dog named Minton who ate two shuttlecocks?
Bad Minton.
What term do you use to refer to a dog that researches old trees?
Well, you can call him a barkologist.
What would you call a dog from Asgard that owns a mighty hammer?
A labrathor.
Which dog breed knows how to use the phone?
A dial-matian.
Which dog lives in a cave?
A Bat Terrier.
What’s a dog’s favorite fashion magazine?
Vanity Fur.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast dish?
Woof-fle.
What did the dog say to his wife?
Howl will I ever live without you.
What breed of dog can jump higher than a building?
All breeds can, since buildings can’t jump!
What did the man name his two watch dogs?
Rolex and Timex.
What do dogs owned by chemists do with their bones?
They barium.
When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up…but it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them?
“What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!”
What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen?
Ink spots.
Why did the man make pancakes for his dog?
His dog sure didn’t know how!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.
What do you call a dog that doesn’t have any legs?
It doesn’t matter! It still won’t come when you call its name.
What do dogs have that no other animals have?
Puppies!
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When he’s a greyhound!
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
“Well, doggone!”
Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?
Because it frightens the dog!
A boy went to the zoo to discover there was only one small animal.
It was a shitzu!
How do you stop a dog from smelling?
Cover his nose!
What’s a dog’s favourite kind of ice cream?
Pupcicles.
Why doesn’t anyone want to work for dogs?
Because they hound their employees.
Why did the dog walk into the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw.
What do you get when you cross a racing dog with a bumblebee?
A greyhound buzz.
What do you call a left-handed boxer?
A south paw!
I bought a dog from a blacksmith, when I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
What do you get when you cross a computer with a dog?
Too many bites too handle.
How do dogs travel cross country?
They take the greyhound.
How did the dog train his flea?
From scratch.
Why did the family take their dog to the watchmaker?
It had ticks!
What do you call an obedient dog?
A sit bull terrier.
What’s a dog’s favorite movie?
Jurassic Bark.
Why did the two-legged dog to come to an abrupt halt?
It had two paws.
When you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster, what do you get?
A cockerpoodledoo!
What could be worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What makes a businessman different from a hot dog?
The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.
How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
